She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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