the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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