I wish my penis had an off switch
you didnt know i had herpes?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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