i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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