Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
