So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
