I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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