May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
