I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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