A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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