at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
