This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
