garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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