the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
