omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
