Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
