was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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