ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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