Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
