no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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