you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
