Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
