You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
