I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
