You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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