I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
