I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
