Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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