Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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