Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize