I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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