Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
