hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
