Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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