My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
