This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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