did you get engaged???
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Welp...herpes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
