I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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