It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize