Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
