I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
