There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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