naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
