I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
