u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
