we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
