I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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