I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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