god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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