Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
