How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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