True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
