At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
