there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
