she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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