I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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