I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
