pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What a dumb baby whore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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