He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
