I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
