The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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