when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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