i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
