Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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