I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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