So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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