If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The best revenge is premature balding
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
