Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
