it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
