I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
