his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
