I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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