I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
