so let's talk penis.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
